Clubby's Commandments

Meet Clubby, Showerbeer Blog spokesman and author of the official rules for partaking in shower beer activities. Clubby is an upstanding member of the Alaskan seal community and noted ornithologist, his political commentary has appeared on The Huffington Post. In 2006, Clubby achieved notoriety in some conservative communities for his public flame war with noted blogger Andrew Sullivan.

Clubby's Shower Beer Commandments is the industry standard of rules concerning the practice of shower beer. Take heed.

One partaking in a shower beer shall:

1. Consume only beer contained within an aluminum can. Bottled beer is permissible only in cases where logistical issues prevent use of canned beer. Under no circumstances should an open glass or other such container be used.
2. Avoid contamination of the shower beer by hair, skin and cleaning products.
   
3. Know that Canadian beer of the Labatt brand is the preferred choice. Others brands have been studied and shown to be inferior based on a triple blind study.
   
4. Consume only one beer per showering period. Shower beer predates the Dorian invasion and is steeped in ritual and tradition. It is a purifying act, not a route towards severe intoxication.
   
5. Provide enough shower beers for all participants.
6. If intoxicated due to previous beverages, the rite of shower beer may need to be performed quickly. It is advisable that a proper container for bodily fluids be at hand.
7. Follow the proper recycling procedures for your municipality upon completion of the shower beer.
8. Not engage in sexual intercourse during the rite. This is an abomination.
9. Not shotgun their shower beer. This is also an abomination.
   
10. Maintain proper grooming and hygiene prior to and after shower beer. Excessive grime can and will spoil the experience.
11. Provide one's own caddy or shelf for temporary storage of said shower beer. Also, can cozies and beer hats are acceptable accessories.
12. Assist those with physical or mental handicaps in the operation of their shower beer.
13. Not Bogart another's shower beer.
14. Listen to music during the rite. Suggested artists are: Warren Zevon, Bob Seger and Lily Allen.
15. Always partake in shower beers during the Sabbath.
16. Apply all of the above rules should a shower not be present. Use of bathtubs and carwashes is acceptable.

(NOTE: The 16th commandment was added per the second Peloponnesus Symposium, some local prefectures do not recognize the PS2 edict.)

It is strongly advised that all current and future shower beer participants memorize Clubby's Commandments. If you are confused or have questions regarding protocol, do not hesitate to ask. Clubby is always willing to take questions regarding these rules of order.

Friends of the Showerbeer Blog can look forward to Clubby the Seal's Q&A/advice column forthcoming on this blog.
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Tonight I am headed to Transmission, a very popular local dance night held at the intimate and cozy Club Jäger in the Warehouse District of Minneapolis. This bar has Pilsner Urquell on tap, so any review I post will be skewed by my love of that particular brew and, of course, my BAC. Unlike my last foray out, I will have my trusty Canon along to document the adventure. Expect a full report later tonight/earlier tomorrow, BAC willing.

Also coming soon: The inaugural patty melt review, My gushing screed-cum-adoring fan letter about The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and Bartender Todd's impromptu Allman Brothers sing along with Gov. Bob R. Riley of Alabama.